Kendall Smith, No-Div
Kendall is an elementary science teacher and an avid lover of books, nature, and long walks. She is easily distracted by thunderstorms and loves a good conversation over coffee.
If you’re like me, this time of year always causes some measure of reflection. Most of my reflection has come in remembering what we were doing this time last year (thanks TimeHop!)--celebrating with family (without the need for masks), traveling, and planning another year that would surely look much like the previous one. We had no idea what was coming.
Before Christmas celebrations were even over, our family would learn of the death of two young people in our community--sudden and tragic. Little did we know, this would be the beginning of a year filled with difficulty and change. How do we reflect on a year like this? How do we even move forward? Emily P. Freeman teaches the importance of “naming things”. And I think maybe, the best way to reflect and move forward from 2020 would be to name what has been.
A few months ago, my wise brother Tyler preached a sermon that my family listened to online. In it, he did something powerful: He compared the season that we are walking through--COVID, racial tensions, unprecedented changes and adjustments for every human on earth--to the wilderness. It was the first time I had the opportunity to have this experience framed in that way. For our family--this year has certainly had its share of sorrow and difficulty, boredom and busyness. We have had months of slow-going routine interrupted by weeks of crazy, hold-onto-your-chairs adrenaline rushes. We have slowly learned to mourn the loss of “life as normal” and adjusted to a “new normal” for a while, before having to adjust to a “newer normal” again. Shouldn’t “normal” hold more permanency? We’ve navigated loss and grief and frustration and excitement and boredom with three kids--a teenager, a preteen, and a 9-year old. Each one of us has days that are fantastic and days that feel moody and gray and endless.
It feels like “wilderness” might be the truest way to describe this past year.
Wilderness seems to be marked--at least in the popular biblical story from Exodus--by a few themes: Wandering, Grumbling, and Provision. The Israelites were led out of slavery. Although certainly not comfortable, slavery was familiar. Their people had been enslaved for 400 years. Talk about finding a rhythm! Once they were led out (hooray!) they wandered. For days, which became weeks, which became forty years. (Fingers crossed, this pandemic won’t last that long!) The Israelites honestly didn’t quite know what God was up to, and although they followed Moses reluctantly, they grumbled and complained a lot. The wilderness they walked through looked nothing like the landscape they had been rescued from. And although they didn’t like the life they’d lived before the wilderness, it sure was better than this unknown. Wilderness was a place where God had purposely led them in order to show His Presence in their lives and His Plan for their future. But it was certainly a messy experience. It was a place of preparation--teaching them a new way of being human. It was a place of wandering--learning to follow God when they had no idea what the landscape looked like. It was a place of dependence--who knew where their next meal would come from? Where in the world would they find water?
Ultimately, it was a place of provision: God never left His People--as a presence of Cloud by day and Fire by night, God was there leading them. He provided food that was unknown and unfamiliar--but nourishing all the same. He brought water from places they wouldn’t have fathomed--rocks, even! Over and over, they watched Him care for them. Did they face hardship? Absolutely! But throughout those years in the wilderness, they had what they needed. God had good plans for this bunch of former slaves. But this time of wandering through wilderness was absolutely necessary for them to learn to know Him and trust Him.
If you are walking through what feels like a wilderness now, then take comfort. You are in good company! God’s beloved people, Israel, know how this feels. Jesus himself spent 40 days in the wilderness! Perhaps the best way we can enter 2021 is by walking through this wilderness well: taking a posture of humility and acknowledging our absolute dependence on God, and then trusting Him to lead. I have found comfort and also purpose in praying this prayer this year, and perhaps it will fit your experience, too? If so, wander well. It takes great courage!
Jesus,
We are walking through a wilderness season:
So many changes, so much loss.
The landscape looks different than it did a year ago,
and so much is unfamiliar.
We know you are acquainted with wilderness,
having spent 40 days there--preparing.
We know that your children understand wilderness,
Having spent 40 years there--
Disoriented and wandering.
We pray for your Spirit to lead us--
Your pillar of cloud by day,
And your pillar of fire by night.
Open our eyes to see Your Presence.
We pray for your Spirit to provide for us--
Manna as daily nourishment,
Living water from unexpected sources.
Open our hearts to receive these gifts from You.
Turn our grumbling into thankfulness,
Turn our fear into deep-seated joy.
Allow the unfamiliar to produce humility.
Instead of clinging to the comfort of the past,
Give us courage to embrace the wildness
That is found in following You.
Shape us to be a People
Loved, Holy, and Yours.
Amen.