Kendall Smith, No-Div
Kendall is an elementary science teacher and an avid lover of books, nature, and long walks. She is easily distracted by thunderstorms and loves a good conversation over coffee.
I realize that you may think less of me after hearing this, but here goes: one of my favorite movies is Twister. Yes, I know it’s cheesy. Yes, I know the special effects are horrible. But I. LOVE. SCARY. WEATHER! The storm chaser vehicles, the clouds and radar, the sound of the wind chimes before the storm...ooooh. Gives me chills. But the reason I bring this up today is because there is this scene at the end where the two main characters (played by Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton) find themselves in the middle of the tornado with no way to escape. Quickly, they take off a belt, tie themselves to a pipe and hold on for dear life. As the tornado passes, everything else is blown away--but the pipe (and their belt!) holds firm. They are saved from the storm, and are able to experience the most dramatic and breathtaking view from inside the tornado. (cue sappy music)
I have felt like Helen Hunt’s character in my spiritual life before. Call it what you want: deconstruction, disorientation, seasons of doubt, wrestling with God, a dark night of the soul…many of us can describe these times where we experience spiritual upheaval, feeling like what we thought we knew doesn’t make sense anymore. Sometimes these seasons can be initiated from the outside--learning new information, hearing from someone who holds a completely different understanding of God… But often, these doubts bubble up from inside of us. Answers that once made sense now feel inadequate. Bible stories that at one point were simple and comforting now contain some tension.
I have certainly walked through my share of disorientation over the last decade, and I know many people who have as well. These seasons can feel terrifying and lonely. Sometimes, we don’t know who to turn to, or how to wrestle through these times faithfully. There are a couple of things I’ve learned over the past decade that I feel might be helpful if you (or someone dear to you) is working through deep faith questions:
The Christian faith is not a house of cards. Your faith doesn’t have to be either. It often feels like if one card is removed, then the whole belief system will collapse. I can think of several times in my life where this has happened. In my early twenties, I was a registered Republican voter. I read the Bible in a way that confirmed my ideas about Jesus. (Thankfully, He agreed with all my political views.) And then one day, I was reading something in the New Testament, and I audibly said aloud: “I don’t think Jesus would have been a Republican!” Now, I won’t claim that he would have been a Democrat either, but this moment signified a shift in my thinking, based on reading the Bible. The same thing happened while reading Genesis. Hear me--I’ve read the Bible regularly for 26 years! But one day in my early-30’s, I read the story of Adam and Eve again and thought, “I could see how Adam and Eve might be representative of humanity, rather than literal human beings who actually existed.” I can hold open the possibility for both to be true. But the God revealed in Genesis still makes sense either way! It was the same with other passages of Scripture: Reading through Genesis 1-2 and recognizing that maybe God created the world through evolutionary processes, or finishing the narrative of Joshua leading the Israelites and wondering if God actually commanded the mass killing of Canaanites. We can hold views that create tension, and even change our minds on these things--without our faith crumbling. But how do we do that?
2. It’s important to have an anchor. I also think of this as what am I tethered to? (Picture Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton tying on their belt…) As we wrestle with doubt and uncertainty, it can feel like everything is up for grabs. “Is anything true anymore?” But for me, there are two things that I have been able to tether myself to in the midst of the uncertainty.
The first is God, as revealed in Jesus. Where the Old Testament portraits of God can feel murky and pixelated, the New Testament shows us a much clearer picture of God. Tethering yourself to Jesus allows us to hold tight to him while we wonder about other issues.
The second is God, as revealed in Creation. It’s no secret that I find Creation to be absolutely life-giving. But that’s because I see God’s character written all over it! There are some really important truths that we can gather from creation--how God relates to us, how we are to respond to God, God’s Beauty and Power. Even in the passing of a thunderstorm, I am simultaneously in awe of God’s Creativity in designing a universe that spawns thunderstorms and reminded of my smallness in the midst of it all.
3. Finally, find someone whom you trust to share this struggle. Even Helen Hunt had Bill Paxton. (Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the Twister references!) I have been amazed time and time again how, after sharing with another human being some of my questions and “wonderings”...I find that they have experienced those same doubts.
Pete Enns is a wealth of understanding and knowledge--both of the Bible--but also in how to wrestle well with it. And he recently posted this quote online:
“No matter how painful, lost and adrift or out-of-sync you feel, you are not failing at faith. You are actually expressing a normal, inevitable and necessary dimension of the journey of faith.”
And I know we’ve said this before, but it is so important: asking questions and acknowledging doubts doesn’t mean you’re doing this Jesus-thing wrong. It means your mind and heart are engaged and you are taking steps towards greater understanding!
If you find yourself in this stage of disorientation, deconstruction, or something like that...be encouraged. The God of the Universe can handle your hard questions. Tether yourself to the God revealed in Jesus and hang on tight! You may see and experience more AWE-some beauty walking through this storm (tornado) than if you’d avoided it all together.
(That was my last one, I promise!)