Kendall Smith, No-Div
Kendall is an elementary science teacher and an avid lover of books, nature, and long walks. She is easily distracted by thunderstorms and loves a good conversation over coffee.
To my friend, just one of the many “Nones”*--
It was so good to catch up today! I love hearing about your life, your family, and what you’re interested in now. It’s been a long time since we spent much time together!
Thanks for being honest with me about your struggles with faith. I, too, know what it’s like to doubt God’s goodness, to wonder about the Bible, and to be frustrated and misled and hurt by people in the church. I don’t blame you at all for walking away--in the same situation, I would have done the same thing. I’m sure of it!
It sounds like you have a lot of junk to process through: You asked the church good questions and got mediocre answers. You questioned authority and were shamed for that. You looked around on a Sunday morning and wondered if you were the only one who had doubts, who struggled to “feel” God near you, the only one who felt like the rules put upon you were more like chains than freedom. It sounds like God felt like a domineering boss, always watching and waiting for you to mess up. You didn’t feel the freedom to be real and honest, even though the church should be a place where we can wrestle with God. So after years of feeling like a failure, like something was inherently wrong in you, like you just couldn’t buy into all that, you left the church. You left God. I don’t blame you.
I feel like I need to apologize for all of us, we who identify as American Christians. We have messed some things up big time. We haven’t created communities who humbly seek and worship the Creator of the Universe; we’ve crafted and defended a religion of rules and expectations and shame. Instead of bringing people together, more often than not, we have created factions which are hard to break into and definitely not life-giving once you’re in. We have gotten into bed with politics in an attempt to produce a moral nation, and the result has been abhorrent. We have left many hurting people in the dust of our “Kingdom Work”. Forgive us. Forgive me.
I feel there is a glimmer of hope. I know you walked away from the church and, you’re assuming, God. But I think it’s entirely possible that the god you left was nothing more than an idol of our own making. The god you were taught as a child, and that you saw modeled as you grew up doesn’t seem like the God made incarnate in Jesus. I guess this is where the good news might lie: That the Jesus we follow in American Christianity is rarely reflective of the Jesus of the Bible. That the god we’ve used to sanctify our beliefs, our politics, our horrific judgments of people --that’s not the Real God. So maybe you left a false god? Maybe the Real God is so much better, so unlike what you’ve been taught…. maybe He’s worth getting to know?
What if you found out that these things you care so deeply about: authenticity, justice, love for neighbors, inherent value in all human beings--regardless of race or religion or sexual preference--what if these things are characteristics of the Creator God who made us in his Image? What if you care about them because God cares about them? What if the Jesus of the New Testament came to abolish religion and free people stuck in the margins? What if He promised freedom to those society had cast off as worthless?
I’m not trying to convince you to come back to church. I’m wondering if you would be willing to open your imagination and entertain the idea of a different kind of God, one who created you and loves you infinitely. One who pursued you to the point of death. One who truly offers life and love and freedom and joy. What if this is really who God is?
Let’s keep talking! Love you!
Kendall
*”Nones” are described as Americans who don’t identify with any religious tradition, many for reasons related to mistrust of Christian leaders, inability to identify with certain religious beliefs, or an unbelief in God.