The year 2020 has been one of those years I have looked ahead to for my whole life and thought, “WOW.  Will I actually make it 2020?  It is so far away and I will be SO. OLD. by then.”  It was like the furthest I could imagine. Anything past there?  Not even on my radar.  As we all know, the year is here, and is actually almost over.  I certainly wasn’t a prophet who predicted that this would be the YEAR-OF-ALL-YEARS.  That’s not what made it a big one in my mind.  Instead, it’s because I celebrate a BIG birthday in the year 2020.  Let’s just say, yesterday I turned 39-ish.  (Thankful for a reminder from my sweet sister that 2020 doesn’t really count...)  

Twenty years ago, I would have thought that by 2020 my best years would be behind me.  I would have already reached my peak in every way possible...and after that, I’d just hope to ride out the last years of life in comfort and relative ease.  After all, everything goes downhill after this point, right?  I am so thankful to report that I was so wrong.

In fact, I was wrong about a lot of things as a 20-year old, and here’s where the “unsolicited advice” portion of this blog post comes in.  (Feel free to leave now if you weren’t looking for any…)  As a young adult, I felt anything but footloose and fancy free.  I felt terrified.  Anxious.  Way too much pressure.  Absolutely sure I was going to mess life up.  And completely unsure of what my “calling” in life was supposed to be.  I mean, I was 18 for Pete’s sake!  And I didn’t even know!  Where do I go to college?  What should I study?  What should my forever-occupation be?  How in the world was I supposed to make these decisions?!?  As you can see, I was a delightful person to be around.  

Reflecting back on those early years of young adulthood, I wish I could bring some ease to my young and worried mind.  Because what I didn’t know then, what I couldn’t have fully understood yet...is that God is so good.  He is so faithful.  He is for me!  His plans are beautiful and sure.  And even my mistakes could be used ultimately for His good purposes.  I thought for sure it was up to me to do everything God was asking me to do:  be good enough, love people extravagantly, evangelize everyone I met, and stay away from everything evil.  And I felt exhausted and afraid.  

I would be lying if I said that that Kendall is gone.  She still lives here and makes an appearance at times.  But over the last two decades, I have become aware that God doesn’t work like I thought He did.  This God that I now know doesn’t require perfection.  He doesn’t watch for me to mess up. He is not hard to find.  

Instead--God is all around me, all the time, working in our world.  All that is required is an openness to Him.  Not striving.  Not perfection.  Not martyrdom.  Just an open heart.  Maybe even honest questions.  Real doubts. 

A wise woman told me recently that my call--our call--is to walk beside Jesus and keep saying yes to Him. That’s the long and the short of it. What will He lead us to? Who knows. But here’s what I do know. He is lovingly weaving together my experiences, my gifts, and my heart into something magnificent. And He is doing the same in you! So in this, the year of our Lord 2020, I will turn 39-ish with a big ‘ol smile on my face and look forward with anticipation to what is coming. Because the God I know never stops working. We are never too far gone. And He is infinitely more loving and kind than we would ever imagine.