Not All Who Wonder Are Lost

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Choosing to Fail

Erin Johnson, MDiv

Erin is a stone-cold fox who graciously married Tyler when he was little more than a physics nerd. Together they have four children. Erin loves baking, reading, listening to people’s stories, and dancing in her kitchen.

As part of my chaplain work for our local hospital, I attend the monthly ministerial meetings. It gives me an opportunity to form relationships with local pastors and learn more about the various parachurch ministries in the area. Even in our relatively small town, it is amazing the work that is being done and the support resources available to those in need physically, emotionally, and/or spiritually. Our usual meeting involves updates from various ministries, and prayer. This past month our group started something new: a book study. In my past life as a pastor, I was involved in all sorts of book studies on lots of different topics: leadership, various books of the Bible, character development, race, spiritual practices, etc. This book study feels somewhat similar to those experiences but instead of reading a book with a specific religious bend, we are discussing a “secular” book: 13 Ways to Kill Your Community by Doug Griffiths. At first glance, this book doesn’t seem like it would be a good fit for a group of pastors and ministry leaders. It talks about things such as what happens to a community when they forget about water quality/quantity, shop out of town, and forget to paint. But the prologue and way of approaching important existential questions of communities and organizations is more than worth the “price of admission” so to say.

The author, Doug Griffiths, is a rancher, teacher, and provincial representative from Alberta, Canada. He starts with his experiences talking to community leaders from throughout Canada as these leaders wrestle with how to help their communities survive in our changing world. He notes the frustrations and difficulties getting leaders to understand that you can’t just throw money at a problem and expect to see lasting change, nor are the answers to their problems going to come without the buy-in of their local community. All of this is interesting enough but the story and question which has been mulling in my head since reading it comes from his time as a high school teacher.

Griffiths shares about trying to help his students make good life choices. Teenage minds aren’t known for their ability to see long-term consequences or to avoid risk-taking behaviors. After repeated attempts (and failures) at helping students think of their long-term goals and set a wise course of action, he chose to approach the conversation from a different angle. Instead of figuring out what success in the future looks like and making choices to achieve success, he asked his students what it would look like for them to be a failure.  Students gave varying answers: to become addicted to drugs, to fail out of school and be stuck in low-wage jobs, to have children before they are ready and fail to form healthy familial relationships. He then had his students pretend these outcomes were their goals and consider what steps they might take this week toward making that goal a reality. For those who were concerned about drug addiction, they might start with doing some sort of drug; people don’t generally start with the hardest, most addictive drugs first so any drug or alcohol would likely be a step in that direction. For those concerned about failing out, not studying for their next exam would be an okay place to start. Griffiths explains that his students started to see their everyday choices in a new light. He could actually watch as it “clicked” for his students, and they realized that going out drinking this weekend or having unprotected sex was a step toward their feared failure. He was told by many of his students throughout the years that this one conversation was the most effective in helping them change their behaviors and make positive choices for their futures.[1]

When I read this section, it resonated with me in a deep way. I immediately wanted to have this conversation with my teenage children. But more than anything, I wanted to have this conversation with the American Church, both on the local and corporate levels. What would it look like for the Church to be a failure? Just like with those students, we have different perspectives and might have varying nuances to our answers. Here are a few ideas to get the ball rolling:

  • Is it dwindling in numbers until we close the doors and lose the community that offers belonging and connection?

  • Is it not providing the experiences that were so formative and the community that is so important in one’s life to the next generations, to one’s children and grandchildren?

  • Is it losing relevance and connection with society so that we become a protective silo instead of a light to the world?

  • (The flip side of that coin) Is it getting lost in culture wars so that the message of hope and reconciliation presented by Jesus gets pushed to the side in our fight against the “other?”

  • Is it following the example of Constantine and aligning ourselves with power and politics so that our mission gets clouded and coopted by power?

  • Is it adopting the ideals of capitalism to the point that we forget that our numbers, volunteers, and leaders are actual human beings to be shepherded and cared for instead of resources and capital to be leveraged toward “growth?”

Maybe a more basic and universal way to answer this question would be: the American Church would be a failure if it dies with us, if our generations fail to pass on the faith and raise up believers and leaders to carry on the work Jesus tasked his disciples with after we are gone.

After this question, the more impactful (and practical) question for our communities and our Church is: If this was our “goal,” what should we being doing right now (this week, this month, this year) to achieve it? For example, if our “goal” is for the Church to die with us, we would want to prevent younger generations from feeling included or valued as the future leaders and bearers of the gospel for the future generations. One way we could accomplish this is by making sure that younger generations aren’t allowed a voice in decisions. Or maybe we could prevent younger members from holding meaningful leadership positions, or at least leave them unsupported or undermine them when they are allowed in those positions. If our “goal” was to dwindle until we lose our community and source of connection and belonging, we would want to make sure that our community remains closed to outsiders and their ideas. We could also work to alienate those within the community by overfilling our schedules with busyness that doesn’t actually meet their needs for connection and belonging.

Rome wasn’t built in a day and the Church doesn’t fail in a day either. It takes continuous choices and actions to move us toward that failure. Unfortunately, just like those high schoolers, we are often going through the motions and spending far too little energy considering the consequences of our actions. Maybe you are like me and wishing that you would have been able to participate in Griffiths’ discussion as a teenager: what needless heartache and frustration could have been avoided!! Or maybe you’re like me and wishing that the Church could have had these discussions 20-30 years ago. As I wrestle with these questions, I find myself stuck wishing that the Church of the 1990’s and 2000’s could have glimpsed the Church today and could have made some intentional choices to avoid the hurt and loss so many of our Christian brothers and sisters have been experiencing as they have left our congregations. It's a bit like watching a horror movie where you’re watching from between your fingers and screaming at the protagonist not to open that door: Don’t pick that culture war! Don’t make that alliance! Don’t adopt the attitude of fear which makes asking questions a threat and causes us to approach each other with suspicion! None of these actions or decisions seemed big at the time but they have snowballed and grown to cause pain and division. If left standing, these could continue to push us toward our feared failure.

It is important to wrestle with these questions so we can make more intentional choices going forward. What is normal operating procedure for our congregation or our Church that is pushing us toward failure?

[1] Doug Griffiths and Kelly Clemmer. 13 Ways to Kill Your Community. FriesenPress, 2016, xxii-xxiv.